I struggle with destructive habits. I didn’t bother to make any New Year’s resolutions, because I know what I need to do, and I’m not yet prepared to do it.

Writing this blog involves revealing a lot about myself. I have not yet gotten to the point where I can plainly say some uncomfortable truths. But I’m getting there. And I know God wants me to be honest, because being honest is a kind of freedom. And that honesty can free other people who struggle with similar problems.

I want you to know how fallible I am. Even though my pride rises up and I want to keep my faults hidden. There are things I want to change about myself, but I’m not sure when I’ll be ready to. But I do know that the only way I’ll be able to change is by following God. My own devices haven’t worked, or when they did work, they didn’t work for long.

I’m always left further down the road, going the wrong way, the way I know like the back of my hand. My resolutions and good intentions fall away under the pressures of everyday life.

Maybe I’ll be forced to change. Maybe the part of me that wants to be different will conquer the part that reserves the option to have crutches to lean on.

The mess inside of me God knows through and through. That is a comfort to me because someone¬†really¬†knows me, someone understands me. And He’s not heading for the door when He sees the worst.

My hands aren’t clean. I could help myself more than I do. I give into temptation and I go back to square one. And God is there, ready to help me start again. He has mercy on me, even though I know I have disappointed Him and rebelled against His leading,

God dusts me off and puts me back on my feet. Even though I don’t deserve it, He renews me. And He will do the same for you.

In Isaiah Chapter 40, verses 29-31, it is written:

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. [NIV Bible]